In The Fourth Trimester, we ask parents: What meal nourished you after welcoming your baby? This month, it’s a nostalgic bowl of caldo de res from Hedley & Bennett founder Ellen Marie Bennett.
When I’m pregnant, I don’t stop, like ever. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I’m on one of the most major deadlines of my life. Every time I look down and watch that belly grow, a ticking timeline looks back at me. My two years of being a mom have taught me to savor every second, and now with my second due date approaching, the days are starting to go by like the damn freeway.
The one thing that slows me down is nostalgic eating. Like flautas de papa, fideo, and this caldo de res. My abuelita, who raised me alongside my amazing mom and a multitude of tias, always had this soup in a giant pot at home. She’d serve us extremely hot bowls, not just in cool weather, but in the middle of the summer too.
It doesn’t matter where I am now—caldo de res always makes me feel like I’m sitting at the plastic-lined sticky table in Tampico, Tamaulipas. I’m back in the rickety chair that always squeaked, with the crinkly red paper wrapped around the tortillas I’d just secured from the tortilleria, giving them one giant hug. I’d slurp the soup with a few squeezes of Key lime, then I’d take my tortilla and dip it in the broth like a spoon.
After the birth of my first child, during that foggy fourth trimester, I found so much solace in having a bowl of caldo de res. I was always worried about feeding Nico and getting him to eat, that I would often forget to feed myself. This soup provided me with not just the nutrients and protein that I needed, but also the comfort from its warmth.
As I enter another chapter of change, I’ve been trying to find the words to describe the feeling of this moment between baby one and baby two. I’m simultaneously filled with nostalgia for my two-year-old and excitement and nervousness for my new baby, who hasn’t busted into our lives but has already made an impression. I know I won’t be the same again. These last weeks will be it for this current chapter of my family—we are about to evolve into something new.
I’ve been trying to prepare for this for over a year, since I stopped breastfeeding and started becoming my own self again. For me, breastfeeding is an honor, but it wasn’t easy by any means. The day I finished because Nico said no more, I felt a huge sadness that my experience hadn’t been more of what I typically hear, where it’s filled with sunshine, butterflies, and roses. But relinquishing expectations was part of becoming a mom.
My first fourth trimester was filled with a lot of transformation, physically and emotionally. I was finding my way into my new skin. But this time, I’m becoming a mom again—I know how to get that burp out, how to soothe, how to swaddle like a pro. And I know that I should make my abuelita’s soup. Just a bowl reminds me of when I was young, when instead of taking care of someone else, someone was taking care of me.
Editor’s note: Since writing this column, Ellen gave birth to Bodie, who is already filling the family’s days and (sleepless) nights with so much joy and love.